It's been six weeks since I left people I loved and trusted.
However it seems that the word "leave" was given a new meaning.
It's usually hard for me to call someone a trusted friend. This was not this case. I felt I belong somewhere. I belonged there, I felt great and happy. Nevertheless I realized that one is learning all the time.
I have never understood the coldness.
Maybe I am not meant to understand this. However that hurts.
I never thought that I would be forsed to beg for things which seemed clear. To beg for money. For the deal we had.
Well never mind.
I just don't know why this is happening.
And I am curious.
And quite sad I must admit.
23 Oct 2011
21 Oct 2011
14 Oct 2011
Toni Hoffmann Band
It's more than couple of months now since I decided to create the music section on this blog. However I haven't written a thing yet.
I actually didn't know where to start. But it's about to change so here I go ;)
....
Honestly I would be surprised if anyone of you knew the THB before. It's once again connected with my favourite cliche topic - a man with teeth of vampire.
Anyway. This has nothing in common with the teeth nor image of a person or a band. This is a great piece of music which might be more difficult to listen to for an ordinary fan of music, with the best possible meaning of this fact ;)
This kind of music will probably never get into radio stations. With their own lable pop/rock/soul and playful vocal lines it is more music for connoisseurs.
At least this is my point of view.
I find this music extremely inspirational. I really love to listen to this stuff when I draw or write some stuff.
Makes me feel artistic. Eh :D
Now I let them introduce themselves to you in their own way :)
By the way I simply must highlight the minute 7 and my gorgeous R.
A moment for "Aww".
Cliche. As I said.
I actually didn't know where to start. But it's about to change so here I go ;)
....
Honestly I would be surprised if anyone of you knew the THB before. It's once again connected with my favourite cliche topic - a man with teeth of vampire.
Anyway. This has nothing in common with the teeth nor image of a person or a band. This is a great piece of music which might be more difficult to listen to for an ordinary fan of music, with the best possible meaning of this fact ;)
This kind of music will probably never get into radio stations. With their own lable pop/rock/soul and playful vocal lines it is more music for connoisseurs.
At least this is my point of view.
I find this music extremely inspirational. I really love to listen to this stuff when I draw or write some stuff.
Makes me feel artistic. Eh :D
Now I let them introduce themselves to you in their own way :)
By the way I simply must highlight the minute 7 and my gorgeous R.
A moment for "Aww".
Cliche. As I said.
11 Oct 2011
8 Oct 2011
A Very Compromising Material
There are things which must be posted :D
For example when some former school-mate posts a picture of your platonic love at
...let's guess... 8 years of age ^^
Meeting Strangers
...and doing quite well I should admit.
The period of meeting new people started at Arlanda Airport in Stockholm in the begining of September in a check-in queue. There I met guys from Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio.
I was like "Wow I know those faces!"
- 3 seconds of thinking like hell to match faces with names and position in our cute wide world -
then came the dilema:
"Take a photo / not to take a photo."
I sent a message to Maj with the same question, accepted the answer:
"Take photos..... an exclamation mark
Get signatures....... an exclamation mark
RAPE......... a huge exclamation mark"
Well. I passed just through the first part.
Seizing opportunities is not one of my best skills. Eh.
But after nice chat with Rose-Marie while waiting for the rest of the ORE crew, hugs from guys and being assured of the greatest matter:
"Well, we should actually come to Prague next year."
... I felt the satisfaction.
Then came the oh-so-much-wanted concert of my beloved R.
If I had thought that seeing him once again live would heal me and wake me up from my absolute dementia... I was wrong.
Pretty much.
In fact everything is getting worse and worse and I am deeply buried in this shit :D
That one and only hug I got assured me that this is the one I want. Strange.
I usually don't like when people touch me. But this was the moment I really didn't want to let him go.
But I will have him anyway.
One day.
I will.
I simply feel I need it.
And when someone needs something he should get it. Otherwise he suffers.
And I suffered long enough.
So why not then?
.....
And in the begining of October my school started and I got new friends, new energy, new things which give me the opportunity to leave the emptiness which occupied my soul just few weeks ago.
It's strange to go from school with wide smile.
And this is what is happening to me right now.
Be jealous!
The period of meeting new people started at Arlanda Airport in Stockholm in the begining of September in a check-in queue. There I met guys from Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio.
I was like "Wow I know those faces!"
- 3 seconds of thinking like hell to match faces with names and position in our cute wide world -
then came the dilema:
"Take a photo / not to take a photo."
I sent a message to Maj with the same question, accepted the answer:
"Take photos..... an exclamation mark
Get signatures....... an exclamation mark
RAPE......... a huge exclamation mark"
Well. I passed just through the first part.
Seizing opportunities is not one of my best skills. Eh.
But after nice chat with Rose-Marie while waiting for the rest of the ORE crew, hugs from guys and being assured of the greatest matter:
"Well, we should actually come to Prague next year."
... I felt the satisfaction.
Then came the oh-so-much-wanted concert of my beloved R.
If I had thought that seeing him once again live would heal me and wake me up from my absolute dementia... I was wrong.
Pretty much.
In fact everything is getting worse and worse and I am deeply buried in this shit :D
That one and only hug I got assured me that this is the one I want. Strange.
I usually don't like when people touch me. But this was the moment I really didn't want to let him go.
But I will have him anyway.
One day.
I will.
I simply feel I need it.
And when someone needs something he should get it. Otherwise he suffers.
And I suffered long enough.
So why not then?
.....
And in the begining of October my school started and I got new friends, new energy, new things which give me the opportunity to leave the emptiness which occupied my soul just few weeks ago.
It's strange to go from school with wide smile.
And this is what is happening to me right now.
Be jealous!
4 Oct 2011
The Cucumber Terrorist And All That Stuff
Oh shame on me. I know I know. I am writing about things which were happening almost a month ago. Never mind. Better today than never, isn't it?
In the begining of September me and my beloved Maj flew over North and Irish seas to join Kweeva-the-best-guide-ever in an Irish wonderland.
I have to admit that I fell in love with Dublin immediately.
It was the warmth of people there, the welcoming atmosphere combined with the sweet creamy foam of perfectly chilled Guinness that brought me to some strange higher dimension.
The time for a party. For people you do not forget.
It was a time of remains of hurican Katia, of heavy strong wind, head-ache and lost voice :D
It was the time of smiling with no obvious reason. The time among people who smiled at you even at 3 o'clock in the morning just to tell you that your taxi is ready for you.
It was the time when a taxi driver wants from you 4€ less waving at you "That's okey, have a coffee on me!"
Well it was the time of coffee with whipped milk! <3
...and for our plush toys!
And these were the moments and feelings you miss, you just feel a huge emptiness crossing the coast. Leaving it all behind those seas...
Coming back. Soon.
By the way I was suspected of pronouncing the dangerous item to the aircraft. It took 3 endless minutes for two man both staring at scanner screen to proactively ask me what I carry in my bag.
Surprise surprise for all of us!
I had the most suspected cucumber of all times :D
All scanner operators curious:
"What was that? What was it?"
"A cucumber."
"A cucumber! Are you kidding??"
Well. Just a funny moment from Dublin airport at 4 a.m.
In the begining of September me and my beloved Maj flew over North and Irish seas to join Kweeva-the-best-guide-ever in an Irish wonderland.
I have to admit that I fell in love with Dublin immediately.
It was the warmth of people there, the welcoming atmosphere combined with the sweet creamy foam of perfectly chilled Guinness that brought me to some strange higher dimension.
The time for a party. For people you do not forget.
It was a time of remains of hurican Katia, of heavy strong wind, head-ache and lost voice :D
It was the time of smiling with no obvious reason. The time among people who smiled at you even at 3 o'clock in the morning just to tell you that your taxi is ready for you.
It was the time when a taxi driver wants from you 4€ less waving at you "That's okey, have a coffee on me!"
Well it was the time of coffee with whipped milk! <3
...and for our plush toys!
And these were the moments and feelings you miss, you just feel a huge emptiness crossing the coast. Leaving it all behind those seas...
Coming back. Soon.
By the way I was suspected of pronouncing the dangerous item to the aircraft. It took 3 endless minutes for two man both staring at scanner screen to proactively ask me what I carry in my bag.
Surprise surprise for all of us!
I had the most suspected cucumber of all times :D
All scanner operators curious:
"What was that? What was it?"
"A cucumber."
"A cucumber! Are you kidding??"
Well. Just a funny moment from Dublin airport at 4 a.m.
28 Sept 2011
Virtual Life, Imagination And Fuc*ed Up Reality
Well I guess I start hating the way how some chemistry, my brain or whatever is making a fool of me.
Someone should have waken me up long long time ago....
There are things I cannot affect. And I honestly wish I could do so.
When is all your life based on some fucked up fantasy. Some hopeless hope or a picture you stare at... What is this life about? Does it really worth to live something like this?
I would sacrifice so much, just to make the dream come true...
However. I think I just woke to one strange day. This morning I felt like someone has stolen my pink glasses.
Oh my God I want them back.
I loved the world I lived. This intoxication of happiness to whom I didn't need any drogs. I loved it so much more that this - let's face it - lonely life of some loser unable to open himself to new people.
Come anyone, give me back what was stolen from me.
I might need one very specific hug again.
Need the feeling.
And what I have?
One virtual life. Dreams. And a picture to stare at.
Sad....
Someone should have waken me up long long time ago....
There are things I cannot affect. And I honestly wish I could do so.
When is all your life based on some fucked up fantasy. Some hopeless hope or a picture you stare at... What is this life about? Does it really worth to live something like this?
I would sacrifice so much, just to make the dream come true...
However. I think I just woke to one strange day. This morning I felt like someone has stolen my pink glasses.
Oh my God I want them back.
I loved the world I lived. This intoxication of happiness to whom I didn't need any drogs. I loved it so much more that this - let's face it - lonely life of some loser unable to open himself to new people.
Come anyone, give me back what was stolen from me.
I might need one very specific hug again.
Need the feeling.
And what I have?
One virtual life. Dreams. And a picture to stare at.
Sad....
18 Sept 2011
Cannot get rid of him....^^
She says, "This man's gonna be my death
'Cause he's all I ever wanted in my life
And I know he doesn't know my name
And that all the girls are all the same to him
But still I've got to get out of this place
'Cause I don't think I can face another night
@Emilie Autumn
....sounds somehow familiar to me :D
24 Aug 2011
Creepy Morn
For today's morning I changed my plans.
When I saw the perfect spooky light outside, lying fog on a morning dew, autumn yellow birch....
I just took my camera instead of poles and went on a nearby island.
click for more pictures....
When I saw the perfect spooky light outside, lying fog on a morning dew, autumn yellow birch....
I just took my camera instead of poles and went on a nearby island.
Woof!
As I promised the story continues - my little creations which are meant as birthday gifts for my actual employers and friends Katka and Jáchym.
Both siberian huskies from our kennel. Here we go.
NorthWapiti's Captain Canuck for Katka:
and Flying Comet Kipp d' Amundsen for Jáchym:
Both siberian huskies from our kennel. Here we go.
NorthWapiti's Captain Canuck for Katka:
19 Aug 2011
A Daysleeper?
Strange days...
There is a creature that refuses to leave my head.
The creature is welcome.
And would be more welcome by my side while falling asleep.
I know I know.
Unrealistic.
Certain circumstances have forced me to take a pencil and draw.
Strange days...
It's been more than 3 years I didn't draw a thing.
I feel new possibilities. New ways.
This story is to be continued. In few days I will share the products of what I did not forget.
At least I hope.
And some people will always make me sad and upset.
Strange days...
Those days when you lose your reacquired hopes. Ancestors. Eh.
And that's why I keep this creature in my head and don't let him go away.
Strange days...
There is a creature that refuses to leave my head.
The creature is welcome.
And would be more welcome by my side while falling asleep.
I know I know.
Unrealistic.
Certain circumstances have forced me to take a pencil and draw.
Strange days...
It's been more than 3 years I didn't draw a thing.
I feel new possibilities. New ways.
This story is to be continued. In few days I will share the products of what I did not forget.
At least I hope.
And some people will always make me sad and upset.
Strange days...
Those days when you lose your reacquired hopes. Ancestors. Eh.
And that's why I keep this creature in my head and don't let him go away.
Strange days...
16 Aug 2011
Just A Month....
One month to go...!
An ultimate challenge of my mind, charm and self-confidence :D
Well. We'll see which fairy or beast is hidden under my skin.
How brave it is. And what it is able to do to seize the one and only opportunity.
Hell yeah!!
An ultimate challenge of my mind, charm and self-confidence :D
Well. We'll see which fairy or beast is hidden under my skin.
How brave it is. And what it is able to do to seize the one and only opportunity.
Hell yeah!!
14 Aug 2011
So Very True...
Inspirational.
I can be satisfied with myself - surprisingly I feel I have been recently able to follow.
I can be satisfied with myself - surprisingly I feel I have been recently able to follow.
And I feel so much better. Happier. More self-confident.
Alive.
Alive.
13 Aug 2011
A Fool Speaking
There are moments in life when every single one of us can consider himself as a foolish, idealistic and blind human being.
Two days ago I had a dream. This dream totally reassure me of my own foolishness.
It is a matter of teen-aged naive girls to fall in love with a musician they not only know personally but it is more than likely that he will never recognize them.
It is that blind madness together with hopeless hopes and nights of lying while staring at an empty ceiling... Your thoughts run like hell. You ask in your head so many questions beginning with a huge -WHAT IF?-.
However. Since I know how strong is my mind and intuition... I simply cannot give up.
Two years of dreaming of those sharp teeth of my little vampire. Thoughtless walks... listening just and only to his deep voice. Staring again and again at pictures of his smile.
As I said. Foolishness.
But what can I do with my conviction while knowing how much was I so many times right?
And I do believe we belong together.
I got one of my best friends and soulmates ever just because I believed in this possible frienship. For how many years we had known each other until she accepted me? And now she put me among frostdeers and shares with me her own foolish existence.
And it was me who felt we somehow belong together.
And it was not the only case.
So why shouldn't I be right again?
Few times in my damn life I felt alive and in love. But nothing lasted for two years in such an intense shape.
I may be naive. A naive desperate child.
But passionate.
And scared.
And hoping.
Why the hell do my feelings behave like a monster creature living on a roller coaster?
Two days ago I had a dream. This dream totally reassure me of my own foolishness.
It is a matter of teen-aged naive girls to fall in love with a musician they not only know personally but it is more than likely that he will never recognize them.
It is that blind madness together with hopeless hopes and nights of lying while staring at an empty ceiling... Your thoughts run like hell. You ask in your head so many questions beginning with a huge -WHAT IF?-.
However. Since I know how strong is my mind and intuition... I simply cannot give up.
Two years of dreaming of those sharp teeth of my little vampire. Thoughtless walks... listening just and only to his deep voice. Staring again and again at pictures of his smile.
As I said. Foolishness.
But what can I do with my conviction while knowing how much was I so many times right?
And I do believe we belong together.
I got one of my best friends and soulmates ever just because I believed in this possible frienship. For how many years we had known each other until she accepted me? And now she put me among frostdeers and shares with me her own foolish existence.
And it was me who felt we somehow belong together.
And it was not the only case.
So why shouldn't I be right again?
Few times in my damn life I felt alive and in love. But nothing lasted for two years in such an intense shape.
I may be naive. A naive desperate child.
But passionate.
And scared.
And hoping.
Why the hell do my feelings behave like a monster creature living on a roller coaster?
25 Jul 2011
Epic Swedish Mornings
Well. In September I'll enter my college studies... what more - college studies including swimming lessons as the basis of PE in the first semester.
And, having holidays in the wilderness, I consider this as the very best time to work out one proper body!
So I started getting up earlier and walk with the Nordic walking poles regularly. As I realized, it isn't only an excersize that should make your muscles stronger, but a kind of strange relaxation as well.
Combine it with a great of piece of music and you get a great experience. Listening to a touching voice. Breathing the fresh early morning air. Everything becomes strangely calm around you...
19 Jul 2011
A Day Off With HP!
Since everyone is talking about the new Harry Potter movie and I don't have any cinema nearby... BUT a day off and a very strong feeling I need some kind of relax with a story I have always loved, I've decided to watch the whole Harry Potter saga until the first part of Harry Potter And the Deathly Hallows.
So I made myself a cup of coffee (well, there might be more of them :D) and plunge into a world of witches and wizards and all those magical creatures.
Cannot wait for the moment I'll see the last movie on a huge screen in 3D! ^^
So I made myself a cup of coffee (well, there might be more of them :D) and plunge into a world of witches and wizards and all those magical creatures.
Cannot wait for the moment I'll see the last movie on a huge screen in 3D! ^^
14 Jul 2011
Another Wolf
Another wolf puppy just came for a short visit. For one night on his journey through Scandinavia - just a short swedish stop on his life change from Finnish to Norwegian.
Doesn't he look like a real wolf?
Doesn't he look like a real wolf?
A Glass Of Wine? At Your Service!
If you are - as I proudly am - a fan of wine, no matter which colour you take. And if you put few drops of black sense of humour into an interest in history.....
Here you are! ;D
Highly recomended for your summer trips south to the Italy because that is where you can find them.
Stalin and Lenin available as well! xD
Cheers!!
Here you are! ;D
Highly recomended for your summer trips south to the Italy because that is where you can find them.
Stalin and Lenin available as well! xD
Cheers!!
10 Jul 2011
Whiskies Explore The Whole Wide World :-)
Puppies from the Whisky litter went for a walk to the forest ....for the very first time!
Click for more!
Click for more!
Photos by Jáchym
The Journey
When I succesfully survived one terrible flight sitting next to quite cool drunk Spanish guy, in stormy weather, huge turbulences and wind which had blown us off the runway, better flights where about to come ;-)
8 Jul 2011
A Very Potter Musical
The first thing I could highly recomended is A Very Potter Musical - a two act musical parody of the Harry Potter series' specialities performed by a group of Michigan University students who call themselves the Team StarKid.
The cast is tooootaly awesome :D It's fun and if you really know the whole Harry Potter story there is pretty much of you can read between the lines.
And by the way Joe Walker, who starred the role of Lord Voldemort, is one of the most handsome guys I've ever seen ;D
The cast is tooootaly awesome :D It's fun and if you really know the whole Harry Potter story there is pretty much of you can read between the lines.
And by the way Joe Walker, who starred the role of Lord Voldemort, is one of the most handsome guys I've ever seen ;D
......
Go North
I am spending my second summer among wolves in the north of Sweden. Well, not among wild wolves themselves - oh, one neven knows - but I spend my time working at siberian husky kennels with a pack of great sled dogs.
The idea is to bring you some of the experience I get living at the end of the world with only two other people, three cats and more then fifty siberian huskies.
Hope you'll like it!
The idea is to bring you some of the experience I get living at the end of the world with only two other people, three cats and more then fifty siberian huskies.
Hope you'll like it!
.......
Brand New Beginning
Well well,
since I promised - not only myself - to finally start publishing regularly, I've set up some new sections and I'll do my best to keep this place alive.
Enjoy :-)
since I promised - not only myself - to finally start publishing regularly, I've set up some new sections and I'll do my best to keep this place alive.
Enjoy :-)
......
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