Is It Really All Gone?

It's been six weeks since I left people I loved and trusted.
However it seems that the word "leave" was given a new meaning.

It's usually hard for me to call someone a trusted friend. This was not this case. I felt I belong somewhere. I belonged there, I felt great and happy. Nevertheless I realized that one is learning all the time.

I have never understood the coldness.
Maybe I am not meant to understand this. However that hurts.

I never thought that I would be forsed to beg for things which seemed clear. To beg for money. For the deal we had.

Well never mind.
I just don't know why this is happening.
And I am curious.
And quite sad I must admit.

No problem. Let's gonna die among strangers.
No one cares so why should I?

Toni Hoffmann Band

It's more than couple of months now since I decided to create the music section on this blog. However I haven't written a thing yet.
I actually didn't know where to start. But it's about to change so here I go ;)
....

Honestly I would be surprised if anyone of you knew the THB before. It's once again connected with my favourite cliche topic - a man with teeth of vampire.
Anyway. This has nothing in common with the teeth nor image of a person or a band. This is a great piece of music which might be more difficult to listen to for an ordinary fan of music, with the best possible meaning of this fact ;)

This kind of music will probably never get into radio stations. With their own lable pop/rock/soul and playful vocal lines it is more music for connoisseurs.

At least this is my point of view.
I find this music extremely inspirational. I really love to listen to this stuff when I draw or write some stuff.
Makes me feel artistic. Eh :D

Now I let them introduce themselves to you in their own way :)

By the way I simply must highlight the minute 7 and my gorgeous R.
A moment for "Aww".
Cliche. As I said.

Inspirational

For you whose English is not that good - lyrics down below.
............

A Very Compromising Material

There are things which must be posted :D

For example when some former school-mate posts a picture of your platonic love at 

...let's guess... 8 years of age ^^

Meeting Strangers

...and doing quite well I should admit.

The period of meeting new people started at Arlanda Airport in Stockholm in the begining of September in a check-in queue. There I met guys from Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio.
I was like "Wow I know those faces!"
- 3 seconds of thinking like hell to match faces with names and position in our cute wide world -

then came the dilema:
"Take a photo / not to take a photo."

I sent a message to Maj with the same question, accepted the answer:
"Take photos.....  an exclamation mark
Get signatures.......  an exclamation mark
RAPE.........  a huge exclamation mark"

Well. I passed just through the first part.
Seizing opportunities is not one of my best skills. Eh.

But after nice chat with Rose-Marie while waiting for the rest of the ORE crew, hugs from guys and being assured of the greatest matter:
"Well, we should actually come to Prague next year."
... I felt the satisfaction.

Then came the oh-so-much-wanted concert of my beloved R.
If I had thought that seeing him once again live would heal me and wake me up from my absolute dementia... I was wrong.
Pretty much.
In fact everything is getting worse and worse and I am deeply buried in this shit :D

That one and only hug I got assured me that this is the one I want. Strange.
I usually don't like when people touch me. But this was the moment I really didn't want to let him go.
But I will have him anyway.
One day.
I will.

I simply feel I need it.
And when someone needs something he should get it. Otherwise he suffers.
And I suffered long enough.
So why not then?
.....

And in the begining of October my school started and I got new friends, new energy, new things which give me the opportunity to leave the emptiness which occupied my soul just few weeks ago.
It's strange to go from school with wide smile.
And this is what is happening to me right now.
Be jealous!

The Cucumber Terrorist And All That Stuff

Oh shame on me. I know I know. I am writing about things which were happening almost a month ago. Never mind. Better today than never, isn't it?

In the begining of September me and my beloved Maj flew over North and Irish seas to join Kweeva-the-best-guide-ever in an Irish wonderland.

I have to admit that I fell in love with Dublin immediately.
It was the warmth of people there, the welcoming atmosphere combined with the sweet creamy foam of perfectly chilled Guinness that brought me to some strange higher dimension.
The time for a party. For people you do not forget.

It was a time of remains of hurican Katia, of heavy strong wind, head-ache and lost voice :D

It was the time of smiling with no obvious reason. The time among people who smiled at you even at 3 o'clock in the morning just to tell you that your taxi is ready for you.

It was the time when a taxi driver wants from you 4€ less waving at you "That's okey, have a coffee on me!"
Well it was the time of coffee with whipped milk! <3
...and for our plush toys!

And these were the moments and feelings you miss, you just feel a huge emptiness crossing the coast. Leaving it all behind those seas...

Coming back. Soon.

By the way I was suspected of pronouncing the dangerous item to the aircraft. It took 3 endless minutes for two man both staring at scanner screen to proactively ask me what I carry in my bag.

Surprise surprise for all of us!
I had the most suspected cucumber of all times :D

All scanner operators curious:
"What was that? What was it?"
"A cucumber."
"A cucumber! Are you kidding??"

Well. Just a funny moment from Dublin airport at 4 a.m.

Virtual Life, Imagination And Fuc*ed Up Reality

Well I guess I start hating the way how some chemistry, my brain or whatever is making a fool of me.
Someone should have waken me up long long time ago....

There are things I cannot affect. And I honestly wish I could do so.
When is all your life based on some fucked up fantasy. Some hopeless hope or a picture you stare at... What is this life about? Does it really worth to live something like this?

I would sacrifice so much, just to make the dream come true...
However. I think I just woke to one strange day. This morning I felt like someone has stolen my pink glasses.
Oh my God I want them back.

I loved the world I lived. This intoxication of happiness to whom I didn't need any drogs. I loved it so much more that this - let's face it - lonely life of some loser unable to open himself to new people.

Come anyone, give me back what was stolen from me.
I might need one very specific hug again.
Need the feeling.

And what I have?
One virtual life. Dreams. And a picture to stare at.
Sad....

Cannot get rid of him....^^

She says, "This man's gonna be my death

'Cause he's all I ever wanted in my life

And I know he doesn't know my name

And that all the girls are all the same to him

But still I've got to get out of this place

'Cause I don't think I can face another night

@Emilie Autumn

....sounds somehow familiar to me :D

Creepy Morn

For today's morning I changed my plans.
When I saw the perfect spooky light outside, lying fog on a morning dew, autumn yellow birch....

I just took my camera instead of poles and went on a nearby island.

click for more pictures....